Any Given Sunday

The technical first day of the week has become especially difficult for me as of late. It’s recently come to my attention that the dear ones I spend the majority of my time with spend the majority of their Sundays with their families. I don’t write this in an attempt to gain anyone’s pity nor am I on some sort of woe is me kick but I write this as a form of therapy, really. The end result is that I decided I must figure out something to occupy my Sunday’s, meaning I’m making a true effort to change the less than ideal situation so that my mind is unable to dwell on the unfortunate fact that I do not have family.

That last sentence I write with specifics in mind, as you’ll hear me always reiterate how my family truly is my wonderful circle of friends. Yes, I have aunts, uncles, cousins and one of my grandmothers is still around and this blog is in no way a reflection of the level of importance they hold in my life. When I state, “I do not have family,” I am simply stating that I do not get up on Sunday morning with the knowledge that I am preparing a home cooked meal with my mama and enjoying it at a dining table later that evening. I am saying that I cannot pick up the phone and relay the weekend’s whirlwind of events to her nor can I call my dad up just to say hi. My brother lives a couple of states away but our relationship has never been close thus strengthening the feeling that I do not have family. Sundays are like an endless game of tug of war taking place in the pit of my stomach.

It would be accurate to say that I greatly envy those around me that have the privilege of spending quality time with their blood, their loved ones – no matter how dysfunctional they might be. I often go to an unproductive, though thankfully small, place in my mind that argues the fairness of it all resulting in unwanted and unnecessary anger. I don’t linger there for long because I’m sincerely happy for my friends that are still able to share valuable moments with their families. I would never wish this kind of loss on anyone, though perhaps the oddest recognition of this entire issue is that I am grateful for all I have endured, for the extraordinary loss. I am grateful because I suddenly understand beyond fathomable reason that I am precisely where I am supposed to be, conducting my life the way I am intended for, even if that means sans family and lonely on any given Sunday.


2 thoughts on “Any Given Sunday

  1. I can relate to this when my Mom passes away. It was hard not to pick up the phone at anytime to say hi, or ask her advise on something. One thing that brings me peace is that I know at any given time just not on Sundays I can talk to her and know she is there. Since
    Sunday does seem like a day for family visits I had to fill that void with visting the elderly at a near by nursing home. I found out from staff of the ones that never had family visit which is sad to say more than 75% don’t have family ever come to visit. I would go and just let them talk and before I knew it I was in love with them and they with me. They look forward to seeing me and the same goes for me. Now over the years it has been hard to say good bye to them when they pass but I get stronger and stronger each time and just find a new person to love.
    Take care of yourself for some reason you are on my mind daily. Hope to meet you in person sometime. With love Joan

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