I’ve heard it been said that we must experience the worst, what we ultimately do not want in order to fully appreciate and recognize the best, what we deserve. We become better equipped to distinguish early on if this person or this situation is something we wish to prolong or merely something we wish to rid our life of immediately. Meeting someone that acknowledges my resilience and accepts me for me – the good, the bad and the ugly – with an unexpected admiration is an extraordinary bonus in the progressive direction that my life has only begun to take.
Let me be honest with myself and you, my reader, that I do not readily accept this person’s admiration with open arms as I’ve been too busy shamefully quarreling with my however understandable, irrational fears and brooding in the darkness of a damaged heart. I’ve naturally been one to walk confidently in the direction of my fears and ultimately, I am assured that I will do so as I have already begun demonstrating those baby steps. These baby steps have not been taken without maddening anxiety and sudden tears that often accompany such fears.
I am scared as shit as I’ve found myself faced with which one cannot control no matter how hard he/she may endeavor to do so – strong feelings for another human being that will one day, one way or another, manifest themselves into loss. This is the risk our hearts take each time life introduces it to another human being or even an animal with the capacity to enrich or change our reality, be it in an instant or over time.
This may seem like an extremely dramatic and pessimistic outlook but if it’s one thing I’ve learned over the past few months, and learned the hard way as I’ve reiterated time and time again, it’s that nothing lasts forever. I do believe I’ve almost reached a level of acceptance of this depressing truth, which has delivered with it an unforeseen positivity in that the entire point of human existence begins to make more sense. Furthermore, I do not perceive loss to always constitute a sign of failure and I know there are many of you out there whom will despise my next expression and for that, I apologize in advance, but loss – it just is.
When you open up your heart, your world, to another life, you are giving that life permission to bend, break, shatter, stomp, smash, and/or destroy that vulnerable vessel. But you’re also giving that life permission to cherish, care, comfort, nourish, enrich and/or love and that, in my humble opinion, is mighty worth the inevitable loss.