Unlearning in Progress

I, hands down, just experienced one of the most emotional weeks of my life to date. Perhaps triggered heavily by the culmination of Aunt Flo’s monthly visit, Father’s Day and Mercury in retrograde, there were definitely specifics that influenced the intensity of these emotions. Single acts, be it a statement, an unspoken glance, the hardships of an acquaintance – all came along with the ability to bring me to tears, to my knees, to a complete sob fest. Analogically, I feel like an exposed live wire, an electrical current of mega-wattage walking around on two feet – extremely sensitive and emotionally charged.

I was born with an exceptionally compassionate, empathetic heart. This has proven to be both a blessing and a curse in that I am effortlessly affected by the energies, moods and emotions of others, even those whom I am not even particularly close to. This equates even more powerfully when it comes to those whom I am particularly close to, those with whom I have shared an intimate moment with be it of a physical nature or purely platonic.

Since an early age, I was taught like so many by various scenarios and experiences, that crying in public, the visible display of any type of perceivably “negative” emotion was a sign of weakness. Self-control and composure properly trumped being emotional, raw – being real.

I can recall the threatening tone of my dad’s voice at the tender ages of four, five and six, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” On more than one ill-fated occasion, I discovered what that “something” consisted of and I lived the next twenty-four hours, post crying, with the imprinted reminder upon my ass. I quickly “learned” that crying greatly disturbed others, made them uncomfortable – it was wrong. And when that show of emotion couldn’t be controlled then unfortunate consequences ensued. Several years later, my husband would “teach” me that crying was a manipulative act that could be avoided and was once again, wrong.

Today, I am confronted with the inner conflict of my rational, secure self actively attempting to “unlearn” that crying in front of others, showing extreme emotion on either side of the spectrum is “wrong” – That it is, in fact, a sign of a big heart, of strength. As many of you are aware, unlearning something that has been engraved in your heart and mind for many, many impressionable years is, perhaps, one of the most difficult feats one can endeavor to take on. I’ve been reminded of this several times in the past seven days and I’m certain this is only the beginning…

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5 thoughts on “Unlearning in Progress

  1. Aunt Flo does not visit me anymore but I will say that this passed week has been an emotional one for me to. Can’t tell you why I had several crying spells just did. Nothing brought them on it just happen. I had to panic attacks for who knows why. I cried in front of people I don’t even know. After a visit to the Dr. 3 times last week I am doing better.

    Take care of yourself. Hugs Joan

    1. Joan, I hope you are feeling much better by the time you read this. I want you to know I think of you often. I, on the other hand, am still an emotional wreck but hopefully that will take a turn for the better soon. Thank you, as always, for reading. Much Love.

  2. I don’t know if you know this or not but you are an empath. Look it up if you don’t know what it is. Basically an empath is someone who feels deeply, especially we feel the feelings of others. I can walk into a room and tell you exactly what everyone in the room is feeling. There are different kinds of empaths. You have to know what you are. It’s genetic. Someone in your family is one. I come from a long line going back to my great great great great grandmother. You have to be very careful with yourself and not to pick up too much energy from others. Anyway, there are tons of articles on the net that will educate you more. Good luck to you.

  3. Drew, I cannot thank you enough for this insight. After reading this, I immediately began doing research and WOW, just WOW. I wish I had known this a long time ago, however, better late than never – it’s beginning to explain so much and I look forward to exploring it further. From one empath to another, I thank you for reading and for this priceless information. :)

    1. No problem. I had my father to help me. I still do research on my own as well. Like I said, you have to be careful. I soak up to much energy all of the time and I end up having bad headaches and I’m tired all of the time. Sometimes you will soak up someone’s sadness and you’ll be sad which sucks. Also there are empaths out there you have to be careful of. Like I told you there are different kind of empaths. I guess my trick is I can read people very well, but I can also get people to relax I guess the best thing you call it. I know one that can get inside of your head and suggest something to you. The best way to protect yourself is ground yourself. Meditate which I suck at. Build a wall around your head which just takes practice. Do as much research as possible. If you ever have any questions, you can always email me at writergirl1414@yahoo.com. I hope this has helped you. Drew

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