Tonight, I’ve been sitting upon my living room floor on a comfy beanbag my lovely neighbor graciously gave me last week, staring out the living room window toward the stunning Verdugo Mountains. I am diligently working on freelance for some dear friends’ band that I wholeheartedly believe in and wish to witness succeed beyond all of their current successes. I am awestruck amidst the beauty before me, the ever-changing watercolors from the westward sunset dancing, gliding down the mountainsides and through the endless crevices. I’m relishing in the south bound breeze wafting through the open windows, caressing my bare arms, sending welcomed chills up my spine and the strong scent of recently burnt sage mixed with fresh valley air. While I’m wishing that each and every one of you could enjoy this experience and sensory alongside me, I am also grateful for my solitude.
So much has changed in the couple of weeks since I began the #100HappyDays challenge and since last month’s glorious blood moon. The sudden transition I have been joyfully surrendering to has unexpectedly rendered me high on this awesome journey we call life. This submission continues to open my heart, mind and soul to so much unspeakable beauty and I’m finding myself maneuvering through life with a feather like weight where a boulder used to lie. That’s not to say that I’m oblivious to life’s many trials and tribulations or others’ struggles as I am very much aware. It’s to say that I have discovered effectively new ways to tackle these inevitable obstacles.
I have found myself at a blessed point in the life of A Righteous Revival where writing about David is no longer necessary nor desired though I do find it essential to mention the fortunate outcome of tax day. If you recall, David was hell bent on having me pay for any tax liability that may be owed to the IRS. I informed him that this was not how things were gonna go down, that he would be held responsible for half of whatever may be owed, thus we agreed through text message that we would file “Married, Filing Separately.” I will spare you all of the minute, mundane details, however, after four hours of my crunching numbers through twelve months of expenditures, I did not owe a single penny to state nor Federal. In fact, I am receiving a refund this year and David owes the state of California.
Our generously pleasant tax professional even informed him that if we were to file together, as a married couple, we would receive an additional $82 on our federal refunds. This must have either flew over his head or his foot was stuck so far in his mouth that it was inhibiting his brain from functioning at a logical level. Either way, I’m one happy American tax-paying citizen. The real day-maker came after the tax consultant informed me that so long as my divorce is consecrated final by December 31st, then the state of California considers me single for the entire calendar year of 2014 thus we will not have to do our taxes together again. In other words, Thursday, April 24th was the last time I will ever have to lay eyes on David or breathe the same recycled air as him.
I am sure there will be additional blog posts about him for sake of a well-rounded story however it’s worth stating that I have finally and wholly let go. I am able to mourn the loss of him in what I deem as a healthily appropriate manner, in a manner free of the longing, the wishing and the desire for a clarity that will never be delivered. Someone near and dear to me recently asked, “Do you still love him?” My honest response was, “I think I’ll always love the person he once was or may have never been.”
I dedicate this song in memory of the David I once knew…