39,000 Feet Up in the Air

IMG_20140223_2129568/14/2010

Dear David,

I am writing this with the intention of giving it to you one day in the future.  I hope that I will have the opportunity to do so.  Think of this as a kind of documentation, a testimony to where you and I stand at this very moment in time.  I thought it only befitting that I write it on this United Airlines flight map since distance is a current factor in our relationship and I am on my way to see you as I speak.  I am about 39,000 feet in the air, somewhere not too far from Chicago.  As we took off, the moon was crescent and glowing a beautiful, yellow shade…God, there’s so much I feel like I need to say.  I sat in the O’Hare airport with the silliest, biggest grin across my face at the thought that I’m going to see you in a couple hours.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the conversation we had about forever not seeming long enough and each day that goes by (especially the ones where I don’t see you) that feeling gets stronger.  Life is so short, regardless.  With you, I don’t feel like I’m rushing into anything or moving too fast.  Everything just feels right and I want to do everything with you.  I truly hate being apart and that is why I’m going on this interview on Monday with the hopes that I land a fantastic job in New York City, so that we truly can begin to be with each other – in every sense of that expression.  There’s still so much I wanna do, but where I wanted to do certain things by myself, I now don’t.  I wanna do everything with you.  Can I just state how frustrating writing out my thoughts, feelings, emotions for you, for us, is?  As a writer, I don’t find myself at a loss for words often.  Perhaps this is because most things I write about I am actually familiar with.  You are new.  Again, I am stumped.  These words just don’t do your greatness justice.  I’m going to have the next four days to show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and after those four days, I’m going to try to get you to come back to Los Angeles with me.  When I was asking the Universe/Higher Power for change, I never in a million years would have imagined someone as amazing as you.  If nothing else, you’ve changed my life and me for the better.  I feel like a child reaching for the cookie jar, trying so hard to grasp on to this extraordinary feeling so that I can put it into the appropriate words, but I keep coming up short.  I just can’t wait to look into your eyes.  Ya know – most people don’t believe in what we have – mainly because they’ve never experienced it, but I intend on protecting it with everything I’ve got.  When I’m this high up in the air, I like to think that there’s a lot of people experiencing what we are – all the twinkling lights from the homes that are filled by loving families that were created from the very connection that brought us together…I suppose I should end here.  I love you…I mean it more every time I say it.  Love, Lindsay

I felt it appropriate to share something from when David and I were at the prime of our love, when it was new and exciting.  As I stated in “Once Upon a Time,” I choose to write about a lot of the bullshit but the bullshit would cease to exist without the beauty.  I chose a letter I wrote to him about a month after we fell in love with each other.

During the winter of 2011, I asked my mama what she thought about compiling a scrapbook of unread letters and memorabilia of David and mine’s relationship and gifting it to him on our wedding day.  Her response was my motivation to do just that, “I can’t think of a more beautiful gift to give someone.”  David received the above letter, along with many others, on our wedding day, July 9th, 2012.

I can remember writing this letter like it was yesterday, sitting eagerly in my United Airlines window seat.  I still remember sitting on the airport floor, anxiously waiting to board my connection to JFK, receiving an endearing text message from David stating that he couldn’t wait to have me in his arms.  My heart fluttered as I read the words typed out across the cell’s screen and I was smiling like someone had just shown me a wicker basket full of cuddly, furry kittens.  I like to imagine that that joy was contagious no matter how ridiculous I may have appeared.  I can still see the enchanting glow of the moon as the plane rose higher and higher into the summer night sky.  I remember listening to Alicia Keys’ “Distance and Time” on repeat – it described our long distance relationship so poignantly and I included it on one of the many mix CDs I created for David during our seven months spent on opposite sides of the continent.  I can easily recall the train ride to Penn Station, where David was meeting me, and the butterflies that were aggressively doing repetitive hurdles in my stomach.

As I hauled my luggage up the concrete steps of the subway, nervously scanning my surroundings for David, anticipating the familiar New York heat, I spotted a sun-kissed gentleman in a mint green t-shirt and dark denim jeans walking away from my location.

David!”  I enthusiastically called out.

He quickly spun around, our eyes instantly met and excited smiles immediately developed upon both of our faces.  I subconsciously dropped my luggage right there on the ground as we both ran to each other collapsing into an embrace like we were never going to see each other again.  He lifted my body into the air and spun me around – it was a scripted scene right out of a fucking movie, I tell ya, but it was real.  It was love – our love.  And it was one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.

After retrieving my abandoned luggage and taxiing it back to David’s shared residence in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn, we wantonly made passionate love for a couple of hours until we were a satisfyingly sweaty heap of pheromones.  Shortly after, we dressed and trekked our way to the Brooklyn Bridge where we finally witnessed the sunrise, or “caught the unicorn” as David so charmingly referred to it.

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4 thoughts on “39,000 Feet Up in the Air

  1. Such beautiful words. As I read your words I can’t help but want to let David know that I don’t think he will ever find someone in his life that had the kind of love and adoration that you did for him. It is truly his loss all the way around. God Bless you Lindsay for the gift you have of writing and expressing your feelings in so many ways. It is a blessing. I really feel that we have come to know each other because your Mom wanted us to. I am not sure what message or meaning I am to bring to you but I feel her tugging at my heart on a daily basis now. Joan

  2. Joan, thank you so much for your kind words. I know he won’t ever find someone who loves him the way I did…it makes me so sad to think about sometimes because it is a great loss, mostly for him. I am so grateful for being able to write and I believe it was my mama’s spirit that urged me to start this blog therefore connect with you. Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing your thoughts. It is sincerely appreciated. With love, Lindsay

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