Everything I’ve ever Let Go of has Claw Marks on It

I curse – like a seasoned sailor.  I have a dirty mind, or a sexy imagination, depending on who’s judging.  I drink – a lot.  I get high occasionally.  I keep it real – I’m not afraid to speak my mind.  And I don’t feel bad for any of the above.  My current philosophy on my life consists of doing what I want to do if it makes me happy – as long as I’m not inflicting harm upon anyone or myself.  It’s taken great practice to get to this point and I am certain I will run into times where I begin to second guess myself but the truth is, there is no other ideal way for me to live.

Going forward, I wish to only to be surrounded by people who accept and love me for me.  If someone has a problem with my ability to use the word “fuck” in pretty much any context or the way I get a hearty laugh out of the fact that I’m still learning how to use a bong, frequently referring to myself as a “newbie,” then that person most likely shouldn’t be around me.  If he or she expresses disdain for my frequent inappropriateness or criticizes me for my aptitude to drink a bottle of wine in one sitting, then he or she shouldn’t be a friend of mine.

I have gratefully managed to find myself surrounded by some of the most amazing human beings on this planet – an eclectic mix of old and new, from all corners of the Earth and each with his/her own unique story.  They accept me with grace, love me because of my potty mouth, laugh with me when my extensive imagination manifests itself into words or actions, drink bottles of wine with me, light the bong for me and they don’t have a problem letting me know if and when I’ve crossed a line.

I greatly appreciate someone who can look me in the eye and say, “Linds, you’re being irrational and you shouldn’t do that.” – Someone who still loves me even if I don’t heed his/her advice, who now looks me in the eye and says, “I told you so – you shouldn’t have done that you crazy bitch.”  I’m reminded every day of just how blessed I am by these people I call my family.

It’s true what they say about knowing who your true friends are when the going gets rough – when life present one with death, disaster, divorce, what have you.  I recently lost a couple of friends, who I had deemed close for about ten years.  Quite honestly, I’m not sure how or why this came to fruition.  The only thing I can figure is that when my life saw some dark trials and tribulations, they saw a bright, neon exit sign.

I read this funny quote once that said:

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In all relationships I’ve ever cared about that appeared to be nearing their end, I’ve had a need to make certain that I gave it my all, so I often found myself blocking the exit way – clawing away at anything that might be salvageable.  Truthfully, though, who wants to be surrounded by people that you had to dig your claws into to make them stick around for a little while longer?  In my humble opinion, the only claws worth digging are the ones in the bedroom, on someone’s back.

Letting go, though, mercifully comes with growth, maturity and freedom.  By finally stepping out of the way of the exit, I allow more room for my true friends and for my self to cultivate the positive kind of life in which I wish to lead.  When the ride gets a little bumpy and someone stands up in hasty search for the nearest exit, I’ve discovered that it’s best to let him/her find it.  There are plenty of quality passengers already making my ride well worth it and the exciting prospect of, perhaps, others along this journey that will want to hop on.  Space is never limited but one must earn a seat.

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