So, this Happened

I don’t like contacting you and I know you don’t like it either.  The longer we delay the longer we have to be in each other’s lives.  Can we please get this process going so we can just be done with each other?”

That was the text message I received from David at 3:15 p.m. yesterday afternoon.  And here was my response:

Let me spell this out for you.  In case you forgot, you left me with an extremely hefty car payment after I quit my full time job to spend more time with you.  I have since moved and am struggling to get back on my feet financially.  Giving you half of the court fees is not exactly a priority next to keeping a roof over my head, transportation to get me to my job and food on my table so if you’d like to give Sandy the paperwork now then I can arrange for that but as far as the $217 or whatever it is gonna cost, that’s going to have to wait.”

To which David responded:

As I recall we both would have ended up worse off if we sold the car and instead of even asking for the car, I just gave it to you.  So you’re welcome.  And you quit your job because it made you unhappy and you wanted to freelance, so don’t blame that on me.  Also I don’t trust you with money because of a number of times in the past you withheld money from me or acted simply unfair.  We all have living costs so no need to spell that out.  You were in such a hurry for me to get the paper work together for you and I did.  Now it’s just delays on your end.

I was too angry and so done being despondent and non-respondent – I replied:

I didn’t know there were going to be additional fees when I urged you to file the fucking paperwork.  As far as trust, the only person in this relationship who ever had actual REASON not to trust was me.  But you keep holding on to whatever makes you feel better about failing in your marriage, whatever makes you sleep better at night knowing that you failed US.  Of course you still think that’s the only reason I quit my job just like moving to NY was all about me getting a job…it’s incredibly heart wrenching to see certain things so clearly now, like how you’re incapable of receiving unconditional love.  You don’t wanna do this with me, David, so just stop while you’re ahead.

David responded, “Are you threatening me?”

After a nice, hearty laugh and telling one of my best girlfriends how much I don’t miss these confrontations with him, I responded as honestly as one can muster up after being on the verge of an anxiety attack, screaming and shaking with each syllable, “No, David.  I’m simply saying that I hate you just as much as I’ll always love you and this back and forth does neither of us any good.”

His unexpected and tear-inducing response came seconds later, “I agree. So let’s finish this.”

* heavy sigh * I am not quite ready to dive deeper into all of the emotions or contemplations that this verbal skirmish brought to the surface so this one is to be continued…

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