It’s Christmas Eve and I’m missing you no less than days passed. I want to believe with all my heart that you’re here – right now – all the time – especially during the times when I need you most. I want to believe that you can read every single word I’m writing right now. Mom- if I had known last year would have been the last Christmas we ever would have spent together, I would have done things so differently. Hell, I think about all the times we spent together – especially after I had moved to LA – and I would have made more of an effort between us. I wouldn’t have spent so much time at Scooter’s. I wouldn’t have gone out with my friends nearly as often. I would have made more plans for us and followed through w/ them in a timely fashion. It’s just not fair. I may feel regret with a lot of things but I don’t think I ever took you for granted and I know all these people who complain about their families and it just makes me wanna scream. I am sorry mama- so sorry – that I didn’t make more time for us or sometimes appreciate those moments the way you did. The summer of 2009 comes to mind when I apologize for this. I love you more than anything. Thank you for giving me life 27 years ago.