My First Christmas Without Her

12/24/2011

Dear Mama,

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m missing you no less than days passed.  I want to believe with all my heart that you’re here – right now – all the time – especially during the times when I need you most.  I want to believe that you can read every single word I’m writing right now.  Mom- if I had known last year would have been the last Christmas we ever would have spent together, I would have done things so differently.  Hell, I think about all the times we spent together – especially after I had moved to LA – and I would have made more of an effort between us.  I wouldn’t have spent so much time at Scooter’s.  I wouldn’t have gone out with my friends nearly as often.  I would have made more plans for us and followed through w/ them in a timely fashion.  It’s just not fair.  I may feel regret with a lot of things but I don’t think I ever took you for granted and I know all these people who complain about their families and it just makes me wanna scream.  I am sorry mama- so sorry – that I didn’t make more time for us or sometimes appreciate those moments the way you did.  The summer of 2009 comes to mind when I apologize for this.  I love you more than anything.  Thank you for giving me life 27 years ago.

Love, Linds

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