It wasn’t about the strip club. Don’t get me wrong, as a feminist, I find strip clubs to be repulsive in more ways than one but it was never about the strip club. It wasn’t about the way David leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, instead of the lips, that sunny afternoon whilst dropping him off at his bartending job. It wasn’t about the phone call I made at half past 2am that was intentionally ignored. It wasn’t even about David’s engraved wedding ring that was willingly flung on to the mangled sheets of the guest room bed around 4:30 in the morning followed by, “Go fuck, your self.” A fly on the wall would assume, judging by his conduct, he saw his wife grinding on the pole that night with nothin’ but some dental floss covering her asshole. It wasn’t about the way he drunkenly told me that he “won’t be needing that anymore” referring to the material icon of eternal vows. It wasn’t even about those hurtful words or the ones that trailed after – I’d heard ‘em all before and shamefully partaken in a few of my own in the near past.
It was about the lies, the deliberate deceit, the abnormal, irrational behavior and the disinclination to better oneself in effort to salvage his marriage. And it didn’t begin that night, either. In actuality, God only knows when the lies began. Truth is, I only know about the ones that I know about and my instincts tell me that there’s a lot that I don’t know about and quite frankly, would rather not.
You know that saying, “Ignorance is bliss?” I am sarcastically snickering out loud right now because I can recall a passionately, vivid argument between David and his older brother about that very concept. It involved David vehemently arguing that ignorance could never possibly be blissful and when he thought he was right about something, boy he thought he was right. Well, I couldn’t disagree more then and I couldn’t disagree more now. Clearly, he’s never taken a walk in my shoes before. Taking a walk in my shoes would require a few ounces of selflessness, a genuine quality that David never quite got a firm grip upon.
As I leaned against the guest bedroom door to prevent David from returning, for a third time, and he successfully pushed against my weight to get in his last inebriated dig, I remained silent. I knew. I knew it was over. What more was there to say?
With intervals of weeping and untrue declarations stemming from intense anger, I managed to spend the remainder of the morning on the telephone with my auntie, relaying the gory details of current events. Thank God for that two-hour time difference. I also succeeded in getting myself dressed and ready for the day after the depressing telephone call ended.
Going on about three hours of honest rest, I spent the better part of that day with one of my best girlfriends, the one who text me, “What’s wrong boo” at the wee hours of the morning, as I clung to the last threads of a hopeless marriage. She’s my eternal sunshine.
I may have lost my parents, I may have lost my husband but I have not lost my eternal sunshine – my friends. And let’s keep it real – These people are not just my friends. They are my family and our bond is thicker than blood and water combined. I emphasize this affirmation with my mama’s last trip to Los Angeles – she proudly attended the release party performance of my musical EP on *April 10, 2010. The following day, she eagerly proclaimed, “Linds, you have made so many amazingly wonderful friends since you moved to Los Angeles and that was made very clear last night! I am so proud of you.” And who needs a pill when you have the most amazingly wonderful friends providing you with eternal sunshine?
*I released my EP on April 10, 2010, a long time goal of mine that I am proud to say I accomplished. At the party, I performed a song, “Live your Life,” that I wrote for my father after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He passed away a year later, to the day, April 10, 2011.